I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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