Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
