I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
