Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
