ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
