wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
