I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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