I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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