My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
don't judge my taste in strippers
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
