I accidentally burped into my bong.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm always down for nudity.
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