All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I fill condoms, not promises.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
