If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
