dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
