Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
