forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
