I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
