OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
