Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
