I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
