my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
