We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
