Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
