You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
