is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so let's talk penis.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
