glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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