i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
