I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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