Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
