Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
