Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
