I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
