Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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