I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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