evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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