6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
