In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize