everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
