I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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