god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have tasted many bathrooms
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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