No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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