Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
