he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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