So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
