her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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