as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
