ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
