Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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