How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
