What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
