I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
