He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
