I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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