I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Is it because I queefed?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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