Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
