gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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