is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm sobbing to NWA
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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