just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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