Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
