I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
But break dance skills will only take you so far
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize