you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
