So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's blow job season.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
