why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
