I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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