...so i touched it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
