I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Damn victory sex feels great
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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